I want to share my story with you as part of the #introductionchallenge. Looking to be authentic about the struggle but also truthful about the achievements. Healed and very aware of the "victim" mentality that for years kept me trapped in believing I was wronged and the universe owed me big time for my pain. If anything, I hope sharing my story will help people in similar circumstances realise that it’s possible to achieve natural health, balance and peace regardless of how bad, painful or diseased things were at any point in their lives.
I never actually thought I'd be in the position to say, I DID IT, I healed myself. I dreamt about such healing many times, fantasized about the feelings and imagined how my life would be different, healed from the deep trauma, depression, confusion and pain that it once was. But I never thought that such moment would be me sharing my story to a bunch of strangers on a Tony Robbins challenge. LOL. But so it is…
This is my story.
FINDING LIFE BEYOND DEATH
I was diagnosed HIV positive in 2006. That was not the worst that had happened to me, actually, becoming positive became the cherry on top of a massive pyramid of misfortunes that upto that point was my life.
My sexual life began at the age of 4, when I was awakened sexually by my own brother, only 2 years older. _ What could've been just an innocent act of self-discovery between children became the beginning of very powerful trauma that casted a massive shadow over my sexuality, self-esteem and self-love for most of my life.
At the age of 5 my mother remarried and took me away from my home. For 5 years I lived with my grandparents who for me, were my parents and the only structure of safety and love I had.
For 9 years, I lived with a very abusive stepfather who now I know, was extremely sick, paranoid, schizophrenic and violent. For 9 years my older brother and I were beaten to the point of breakdown. From almost drowning, having my head pushed down the toilet until collapsing, to being threatened at gunpoint if we showed fear. “ARE YOU SCARED OF ME?” this man would shout to us inches from our faces. - “No daddy.” we would say with a trembling voice and knees hardly being able to stand on our two feet.
For 9 years we learned to lie about the bruises in our bodies and souls. We would smile everyday as if nothing was going on behind closed doors, and for 9 years we willingly came back home after school knowing that we were going to get beaten for no reason.
PLEASE STOP… Don’t feel sorry or pity. Let me share with you what I learned of incredible value during those 9 years.
To welcome Death into my life… the most powerful lesson that years later helped me heal from Cancer and AIDS naturally.
To separate my consciousness from my body. I was able to go somewhere else while my body endured the beatings. This allowed to become hugely aware of spirits, astral projection, paranormal activity, auras, and different states of consciousness. Also, hugely useful in the process of self-healing years later.
To forgive, I learned to forgive. Every time, without fail, after he had finished beating us, he would crawl on his knees full of remorse and shame and ask me to forgive him. I could hardly breathe at that point, the pain in my body and arms was normally unbearable, but he would place his head on my lap and cry for forgiveness like a little child. Unable to cry myself, I would console that poor man stroking his hair saying, “It’s ok daddy, it's not your fault.” This scene would repeat itself every day and every day I forgave him with all my heart, knowing that the next day I’d have to do it all over again.
To enjoy the little freedom we had without judgement. Life became a game of life and death. When my stepfather was away, we’d laugh and play, when he was home we hid and cried.
I had a new younger brother whom I loved dearly, my stepfather’s son. He was a little devil but very loving and innocent. With him, I found brotherly love and connection. The same brotherly love and connection I didn’t have with my older brother whom I hated and blamed for my sexual identity confusion.
I grew up very angry, confused, afraid, ashamed, and very lonely. I didn’t have friends, presents on my birthday, or peace during my sleep. Developed many disorders, speech impairments, eating disorders, ADHD, dyslexia, PTSD, Intermittent explosive disorder and many more mental-health imbalance. I felt different from everyone else, but I didn’t know how different and the reason and purpose of such difference. I was convinced I didn’t belong on this earth and dying was the only thought in my mind. My wishes came true when I was diagnosed with Testicular Cancer and given 6 months to live without treatment in 1999.
I was ready to let go, but my mother changed my mind. She begged me to reconsider or at least consider alternative treatments. That was the first time we talked after more than 10 years, when she stopped talking to me for being gay. My mother had become a Kundalini teacher in that period of time and had few new ideas under her sleeve. She introduced me to Louise Hay and her positive affirmations, meditated together and spent 3 months in Mexico healing our relationship. When I went back to the doctors in NYC, the cancer had miraculously disappeared. I was disappointed, but also, very curious about the power of thought. Nevertheless, a new opportunity presented itself when I chose to die with AIDS.
It was 2004; I was 33 y/o. A Tsunami was hitting Thailand and my grandmother, my first mother-figure, was dying in Mexico miles away.
_ The only person who made me feel special and loved was dead and with her, my stability collapsed. I just couldn’t keep playing this game anymore. I wanted to die but I didn’t know how to kill myself. Moved from London to Madrid, and then to Barcelona. I was introduced to narcotics and a window of happiness and pleasure opened in front of me; however artificial, short-lived and illegal.
I became a male-escort and a couple of months later I was diagnosed HIV positive. At that point I was ready to let go once again. Bought almost £1000 of a cocktail of drugs with the single intention to overdose and die.
To make the long-story short, I didn’t die (evidently). But I had my first NDE. Within this Near Death Experience I heard a voice saying - “DON’T GIVE UP - YOU ARE NOT ALONE - I LOVE YOU.” right before I collapsed and died (in a way). Waking up days later was like being born again. Everything looked and felt quite different. Vibrant colours and sounds, but more interestingly was the fact that my mind was quiet, listening to the sounds of birds outside my window and the dripping faucet in my kitchinet. The first thought that came to life inside my head was, - [Water is alive. In every drop of water exists all the information required to create a whole new universe.]followed by [You can heal yourself] - I was like, WTF! Where does all that stuff come from? _ I thought the drugs had totally messed with my mind and I was now officially bonkers and crazy AF.
It’s worth mentioning that after that episode I didn’t take any more drugs and was ready to fully detox.
A chance to prove those new insights useful presented, when I chose to heal my body and mind NATURALLY from the raviging AIDS that was consuming my body and the trauma that was consuming my mind. I was not afraid of dying, but I was still very afraid of living.
For 10 years, I used my own disease and mental-health to form the foundation of my research and self-healing.
- How much can I change my mind, my health and my life? Can I reset trauma, beliefs and my emotions?
It’s true, many times I became very ill, and if it hadn’t been for doctors willing to save my life when things got critical, I wouldn't be here telling this story.
BIG NOTE: All my gratitude and love TO ALL MY DOCTORS EVERYWHERE. (in Mexico, NYC and London)
I was trained in Kundalini Yoga and Reiki. I tried every single modality of self-healing practices, diets, books, and methods. Anthony Robbins, Louise Hay, Eckhart Tolle became my gurus, I listened and I practiced what they preached. Became proficient in the Law of Attraction, German New Medicine of Dr. Hamer and began taking full responsibility for my healing, Took me years to find the right balance and combination of action, thought and trust to resolve every single conflict within my body and mind.
Went back to work after being homeless for years and too vulnerable to fend for myself. Trained in mental-health and profound and multiple learning disabilities and began taking care of others. I created my own healing method called #TAPPILINI, a combination of Tapping, Kundalini and Breathwork, which became not only my greatest achievement but the only tool powerful enough to keep my mind balanced and free of excessive uncontrolled trauma, fear, anxiety, and worry.
Now, I spend my days living my dream, a NATURAL life free of pain, self-doubt, trauma and/or disease. Balanced in mind, body and emotions. I’m able to sleep at night, enjoy my days, feel gratitude for my past, enthusiasm for my future and so much love and peace in my present.
I’m now getting very into the #EmotionCode of Bradley Nelson and releasing trapped emotions like if I were god releasing trapped souls from purgatory. LOL
Anyway, this is my story… partly, because I believe there’s enough material for a trilogy or a netflix series. Haha!
I also want to show my gratitude to everyone willing to share their stories, and their healing processes. YOUR STRENGTH MAKES ME STRONGER. Thank You! - We are the new order of SuperHumans and I SALUTE YOU
If you want to know more about yourself and the how to harness the potential in your own pain, trauma or disease, please book a free consultation HERE
With much LoveAlways x 333
PS: DON’T GIVE UP - YOU ARE NOT ALONE - I LOVE YOU
PS2: You Can Heal Yourself